CHAPTER 14: ALIGNED
3:33am – Sunday, August 14th/2016
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August 14th 2016
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3:33am
I can't sleep. Having these dreams again. When I wake up, Leah is staring at me. She's not even moving. She's not even awake. Her eyes are open. I try to talk to her but she just, lays there. This is so fucked up. I don't know how much longer I can handle losing this much sleep. My boss thinks I'm a drug addict. I'm just tired. Taking pills to keep me awake. I can't help it. My mind haunts me.
2:22pm
I didn't go to work today. I called in sick, but I think they might fire me. I'm of no use to them in this condition anyway. Maybe I can just go back to the casino. At least if I work there, I know I won't be able to spend the money I don't have. Leah will be home soon. I have to tell her what I've done. I won't tell her what I'm dreaming about, but maybe she can help me.
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August 15th 2016
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2:22am
The same nightmare. It keeps repeating. Who is that little boy? It's not Tao. At least I don't think it is? I haven't seen him in so long. I wonder what he looks like now. I wonder what they all look like. I miss them. But this is my choice. This is my path. She helped me from death. William would understand.
1:11pm
I'm sitting in a cemetery. There is a gravestone in front of me. It's blank. William, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Writing on this paper doesn't do anything. But my heart is killing me. I can't believe what I've done. I'm going to try to tell Leah the truth. I lost my job today. I'm almost back to where I was before. I hope I don't lose her too.
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August 16th, 2016
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4:44am
Again. At least I can pretend to go to work now. What am I going to do? I can't just get another job in this condition. No one will hire me looking like this. I can't fake my way out of looking like shit. I have to tell her. I have to tell her everything. Everything is falling apart. JUST LET ME SLEEP.
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August 17th, 2016
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12:12pm
I've found a church on my walk. I'm sitting outside of it. When the bells rang above me, everything came into focus. If I tell Leah the truth, she will forgive me. She can help me find a new job. She can help me settle things with the guilt I feel towards William. She can help me face my demons. I'm going to confess to the church now.
2:22pm
Beautiful. I am forgiven. When I walked home, a thousand birds came flying overhead. I feel alive. I feel aligned. Thank you, God.
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August 18th, 2016
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3:33pm
I found a new job. The nightmares have stopped. Everything is in it's right place. I am at peace.
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September 30th, 2016
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2:22am
Leah has been sick for over a month now. This is becoming maddening. She can't sleep. She keeps having these nightmares. I can't keep control of my anger with her. I need to get out of here.
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October 6th, 2016
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12:12am
I can't sleep. Andrea wants me to come over and help her paint her home tomorrow. I know what she wants. I want it too. Leah is still sick, and I need this. I'm craving this. I want this. I just can't. Not now. I will help her paint, but I won't let her seduce me again.
12:12am – Thursday, October 6th/2016
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October 10th, 2006
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5:55am
Everything is calm now. The storm passed, everything is still. The thunderstorm hit hard. It’s almost dawn. I can hear the birds. How am I still alive? My body is seizing.
9:00am
She never came. This is where I die. I’m going to jump. If you’re reading this.. tell my children and my wife I love them. Goodbye, my old life. I resign.
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9:09am
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Wade crawls out of the vehicle. He drags his body to the middle of the bridge. Tears fall from his face, but he cannot feel the emotion attached to it. His entire existence is pain; his body, his mind, his heart, and his soul. Before he can pull himself up onto the railing, the woman wearing a red coat walks down the wooden bridge. She picks Wade up, and they do not say a word. She places him in her car, and they drive to a coffee shop to get some food. After feeding Wade, the woman finally asks him, “What’s your name?”
“My name is Wade. Thank you for saving me. What’s yours?” Leah pauses a minute, looks up to smile at Wade and says,
“My name is Phoenix. But you can call me Leah. It was my mother’s name. She passed, long ago. I like hearing it. It reminds me that I am as strong, and as magical as she was. She has a beautiful soul. Now, Wade.. What happened to your soul?” Wade becomes embarrassed about telling Leah anything. She is absolutely stunning, and her words feel like the soft calm of a forest. He leaves out important information and says, “I lost my job, and I thought this was the end for me. I’m ashamed at my life. If you didn’t save me though, I would be dead. So, thank you, again. I am greatful.”
Leah smiles, and says, “You’re welcome. You’re very welcome. Your eyes, they seem very strange to me. I’ve never seen that colour in someone before. They are almost, a greenish purple. They remind me of the sky when it dances. Have you ever seen that before?” Wade’s smile takes over his entire face. He laughs and says, “No. I have not.” Leah giggles and asks, “What are you laughing about?” “I am just, baffled.. by you.” Wade stops smiling and lowers his head, afraid he said the wrong thing. Leah grabs his chin, pulls his face up and says, “Eat, Wade. We have a long road ahead of us today.”
12:21pm – Monday, October 10th/2016