CHAPTER 20: SUN BEAMS
11:11pm – Saturday, May 13th/2006
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May 13th, 2006
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Dear Tao,
Today you asked me why people “do bad things”… I offer you this wisdom to your future self. Today, I found out that I am dying of cancer, and I believe I will not be here for you by the time you fully understand my answer. You are too young to understand the complications of being a broken man and all that lies around the choices you will make in your life. You are one of the sweetest little hearts I’ve ever met, and I wish for you to live your life to its fullest potential when you are older.
I regret not getting the chance to pass on my wisdom to my own children. I could not bare the weight of sharing my heart with another. I’ve had the blessed opportunity to travel the world and learn from my teachers. They taught me self-worth, love, compassion, understanding, empathy, and trust. I’ve also learned the many evils that taint the human spirit.. hatred, jealousy, revenge, spite, and lies. You must understand each side of the coin these attributes fall on and realize each has an opposing lesson. To know love, you must know hate. To know self-worth, you must realize your own faults. Never first nor last, as there is no order to these lessons. Whatever side of the coin your life will fall on, you must try to see the other side as well. Do not embrace the lesser of the two, or you’ll send your mind into madness. You must learn to balance. You are a clumsy little child, and at your father’s hand, you may choose a side. You may follow in his path, but one day it may feel as though you don’t have enough. I’ve tried to teach him that life needs a consistency of balance, yet he has never been happy with one side or the other. You will find this. Maybe you can teach him balance, for he will not listen to me anymore. I don’t blame him. Our father did not guide us accordingly. I sit watching you without guidance and empathize with your confused burning heart at the world.
Find your centre. Find who you are, in the light, and in the dark. Give yourself credit where credit is needed. Laugh at your mistakes, but learn from them. Say you are sorry. Never lie. Tell the truth in all scenarios. Be kind to others, and yourself. Follow your heart, but don’t let your broken heart break your spirit.
I love you, Tao. May my spirit guide you through this life and into the next.
Love, Uncle William.
11:11pm – Saturday, May 13th/2006