CHAPTER 19: SPARE CHANGE
3:33am – Monday, October 10th/2016
The white light that surrounds Wade fades from his vision. Coming into focus is an intercom with a flashing red light. Wade looks to his left to see the door of the ICU. Looking back at the flashing intercom, a voice comes through the speaker, "Yes? Can I help you?" Wade backs up from it and looks down at his body. He is back in his hospital gown. He smiles that he will get the chance to see Tao. The lady asks again, "Hello? Are you there?" Wade responds. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm looking for Tao. Tao Russel." The woman replies, "Are you a friend or family member?" Wade smiles at himself and proudly says, "Yes, I'm his Dad." After a moment of uncertain silence, the door buzzes. Wade hurries to grab the handle, then pulls open the door and tilts his head to look into the room. There is a nurse at the computer station, looking at Wade. She smiles and waves for him to come inside. As he slowly walks in, the door behind him closes quietly. The buzzing from the door stops, and Wade sighs with relief. He smiles at the receptionist, "Hi, sorry. I'm looking for Tao." The nurse replies, "Yes, you already told me that, sir. Please come in quietly." Wade walks up to the desk and whispers, "Sorry, which.. which room is he in?" The nurse says, "You don't have to be sorry. You're looking for, Tao Russel?" She looks down at her computer screen. "He is in B7, but he's not awake, nor do I recommend going in there to wake him up. He is in serious condition. You said that you are his father?" Wade starts to well up, staring at the lady. "Yes, I'm his Dad. Can I go in?" She asks, "Are you sick? You need to wear a mask if you are a patient here." "No, I'm not sick." Wade swallows his heavy throat, "I just, hurt my neck. See?" Wade points to the bandages wrapped around his neck. She looks at Wade in question and says, "Okay, well, I was not told that his father was going to be visiting. Let me check with the-" "It's okay. I asked him to come." Wade looks up at the other woman standing at the doorway. "He can come in." she says. Wade's eyes widen as they focus on his daughter. She is staring furiously at Wade with her arms crossed and an apparent hatred in her eyes. He becomes nervous, and his shoulders slump down. His hands cover his mouth, and he says, "Oh my god, Rayne." "Come on, come see your son." She says with a stern look on her face. "Oh my god, you are beautiful," Wade says, taking his hands off his mouth. "You look just like-" "Yeah, great." Rayne interrupts with a sarcastic tone. She waves him in, "Just get the fuck in here, okay?" Wade looks down at the nurse, whose eyes are curious about what she is in the middle of.
Hurry, Wade.
Precious time is passing by each moment you waste.
Our boy cannot hold on much longer.
He walks around the reception desk towards Rayne. His stomach ties up in knots the closer he gets. His hands start to shake, and he feels nauseous as he approaches her. Rayne is standing with her arms crossed. She says, "Follow me" and walks toward the room. Wade follows her, hurrying up his pace. He tucks his hands under his armpits and walks through the door. He pauses in the middle of the room and waits for Rayne to move the closed curtain to the side. His heart breaks at the image in his head of what Tao may look like, and he covers his mouth in a severe panic. Without hesitation, Rayne draws the curtains and stares intensely into Wade's eyes as she does. Wade reacts by squeezing his arms against his chest as he covers his mouth. He steps backwards, seeing his son for the first time in ten years.
How does it feel?
How does it feel to know you left them all alone?
You left them with a ghost.
Listed yourself vacant from their existence.
And you let this all happen while you were out there, lying..
to my fucking face, the entire, time.
How does THAT, feel?
Wade slowly walks towards Tao's bed, keeping his hands over his mouth. His shoulders release from his chest, and he grabs the sheet wrapped around Tao's lower body. He starts to cry as he slowly moves his hand up the sheet and onto Tao's legs. "Please don't touch him," Rayne says, tilting her neck over the top of Tao. Wade lifts his hand off the bed and stares sadly at Rayne. He puts his hand at his side and looks back at Tao, "Oh my dear boy.. what have I done? What have you done to deserve this?" "He didn't do anything." Rayne says, "He was fine. We were fine. He just got sick. Probably from smoking. He started smoking when he was 10." Rayne looks at Wade, "We were in foster care after Grandma died, and he didn't get along with anyone. He didn't want to be there. He wanted to be alone." She shrugs her shoulders and looks back at Tao. "He is pretty stubborn. But I don't think he deserves to die." She looks back at Wade. "I think you, deserve, this." Wade moves back from the bed, ridden with guilt. He looks down at the floor with shame. His tears start to roll off his cheeks and splash against the hospital floor. His body almost falls over, and when he catches his balance, he looks back up to Rayne, who is standing over top of Tao with her arms crossed, and her eyes fierce. Wade shakes his head and says, "Rayne, I'm sorry.. I'm so, fucking, sorry. I don't know why I did this. I didn't mean to leave you guys alone. I didn't know your mother had been-" He breaks down and falls to the floor on his knees. He starts screaming into his hands. He takes a huge breath of air and shouts, "I didn't know she died. How was I supposed to know that?" He continues to sob uncontrollably into his hands. "She was supposed to take care of you guys. I was going to come back." "BUT YOU DIDN'T! YOU FUCKING DIDN'T, DAD.." Rayne screams at him. "..WE WATCHED HER DIE.. AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN COME BACK AFTER THAT! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" The nurse comes into the room and says, "Excuse me, do you want me to escort this man out of here, Rayne?" Rayne starts to cry. Wade says, "No! Please, I'm sorry, we'll be quiet.. I'm sorry." The nurse grabs Wade by the arm and looks at Rayne, "Rayne! Do you want me to take him out of here?" Rayne says quietly, "No. No, I don't. I'm sorry. I'll stop yelling." She wipes her tears and watches the nurse let go of Wade. She stares with concern at the both of them crying, and backs up into the doorway. The nurse says, "Okay, well, just let me know if he needs to leave. And you guys, keep it down, please. There are other patients in this wing. Understand that." "Yes, I'm sorry," Wade says, standing back up. The nurse leaves the room, and Wade looks back at Rayne. She is staring at Tao. She wipes her cheek and says, "I don't know why he wanted you here. He told me he wanted to meet you, but I don't think he's going to wake up to see you. He never wakes up for me. He just lays there.. and there's nothing I can do." She sits in a chair beside the bed and folds her arms in her lap. Wade stands helplessly in the centre of the room. He wants to console her, but he knows it won't do any good. He steps over to the bed beside Tao and looks down at him, "Can I please touch his face?" Rayne says, "The nurse said to ensure your hands are washed and don't breathe on him." Wade quickly walks into the bathroom and runs the water. He soaps his hands and rinses them quickly. Grabbing a towel on the rack beside him, he looks back into the mirror. His hands slowly stop moving against the cloth, and he stares deeply into his eyes.
This is the last moment you get, to reflect upon the person you've become.
The man standing in front of you, is not the man you wished to be.
Your father would tell you otherwise,
for he wore a heart under his sleeve that was concave,
and only layered on the outside to fit the world's needs.
Your mother would be tilling her grave if she dare watched you poison her roots.
Yet, she did not.
She swallowed what she had to until you were ready to part from that tree.
She left, and was set free to be with the angels that her life was surrounded in.
She had a good soul.
One you never took notice of.
You only wallowed in the delusional glow of your father's.
This may be why, you are, that man.
This may be why, your roots can not escape the inevitable truth of what was planted..
what was grown..
and what will die..
to nourish the soil,
that will never see the sun for what it is.
Wade walks back into the room, trying to forget what he was forced to look at. Maddening thoughts trickle through his mind, but he tries to silence them with the hope of saving Tao's life. He stands beside the bed and looks down at Tao. His hand reaches out and touches his face for the first time in a long time. Tao's skin is cold, and he looks up at Rayne. "Is he okay?" Rayne sighs and looks at Tao, "No. He's not. They said he only has a few weeks left, and they are doing everything they can." She stiffens her look back at Wade, looking at his eyes intently. Wade is taken aback by the force she carries in her stare. She says, "I didn't think you would actually come." Rayne looks back at Tao, "He said that he wanted to meet you weeks ago, and I told him that wasn't a good idea. He didn't care. He wanted to see what you looked like." She looks back at him, "But I don't think he'll be opening his eyes anytime soon. He's been pretty much sleeping all day. He only wakes up a little at night, and actually scares the shit out of me." Rayne laughs, and Wade's eyes light up at the sight of her authentic smile. He says, "You look just like your mother." Rayne's smile fades, and she says, "I don't want to talk about Mom. I don't even want to talk to you, but I guess I have to." She looks back at Tao, "You're pretty much, the worst thing that ever happened to us." Wade is taken aback by her words. He moves slowly away from Tao and looks down at the floor. His eyes blur, and the thought of all the past three days flicker through his mind. He whispers at the ground, "Am I still dreaming?" Looking up at Rayne, he says out loud, "Is this, a dream? Are you, even here right now?" Rayne moves her head back and frowns at his strange question. She asks, "Is this what you dream about? Your fucking dying son, and his daughter who hates your fucking guts? Is that what you dream about, Wade?" Wade's doubt hits a wall, and he shakes his head, saying, "I'm sorry. I've been through hell and back.. over, and over, and over.. just to be here. I'm sorry. I just.." Wade lifts his hands and stares at them in confusion. He puts them down and looks back at Rayne, "I'm just really, really tired. I don't even know what's real anymore." He looks at Tao, and his heart breaks once again. "I know THAT, is real." He starts to cry. "I know this, is why I am here. I know that you guys were my life, and I gave you up.. oh god.. I left you alone.. I'm so sorry Rayne.. I'm so fucking sorry." Wade sits on the empty bed behind him and cries into his hands. His cry becomes very loud, and Rayne tries to calm him down by saying, "Wade, calm the fuck down.. you made it here didn't you? Tao would be happy you made it." Wade takes a huge breath and pulls his hands away from his face. He looks at Rayne and says, "Would he? Does he even actually WANT, to see me? Why does he want me here? What do I-" He stops himself and remembers what William told him. Flashes of the forest, meeting his brother, and the coins, run a play-by-play in his head. He stands up quickly and looks at Rayne. His mouth is open wide, and he looks around the room. He asks, "Have you ever, seen any ghosts? Like have you, felt anything? Anything weird?" Rayne looks confused and says, "What do you mean?" Wade stares intensely at her. She asks, "What are you talking about?" Wade scratches his head and stands up. He walks over to Tao and grabs his hand. He says, "I am supposed to be here. I am supposed to.." He takes a deep breath, "..I am supposed to give my life to Tao." He grips Tao's hand and cups the two hands with his left. Wade then closes his eyes. Rayne says, "What the fuck are you talking about? Are you actually crazy?" Wade ignores her. She stands up and shouts, "Seriously, are you some sort of fucking nut job? What the hell are you talking about?" She taps him on the chest, and he opens his eyes. He looks down at her with a calm smile and asks, "Do you remember Uncle William?" Rayne looks confused and tilts her head, "I think so? Why?" "I met him in a dream, before I came here. I, think it was a dream? It doesn't matter. He told me.. he told me that.." He starts to choke on his words with deep emotion and looks down at Tao. "He told me that, if I die, I can give my soul to Tao, and he will be able to live." Rayne rolls her eyes and looks down at Tao. She looks back up and says, "What the fuck, does that even mean? If you die, then you're dead. What the hell do you mean, give your soul to Tao? If he dies, you're not fucking Jesus. You can't bring him back to life, Wade." Wade lets go of Tao's hand. He places it down gently and walks to the bathroom. He stares into the mirror and asks himself, "What am I supposed to do?" He grabs the sink and tilts his head closer to the mirror. Rayne walks in front of Tao's bed and says, "Uh, hello? What the fuck are you doing?" Wade looks back at Rayne and smiles. "I just, need to figure out how I am suppose to do this." He looks back into the mirror, confidently staring at himself, he says, "I'm ready."
I'm proud of you, Wade.
You made it.
You made it to the end.
And here we are.
I will promise you,
that Rayne will forgive you.
I will promise you,
that she will one day understand,
and become a much,
much better person because of it.
Thank you.
And I'm sorry for the way things had to happen the way they did.
Yet we can't escape who we are,
no matter how hard we try.
I thank you for understanding who I am.
We'll see you in the next life.
I promise you that.
Rayne walks over to Wade, who is leaning against the sink in the bathroom and says, "Ready for what? What the fuck are you talking about?" Wade lets go of the sink and turns to Rayne. "Listen, I know this doesn't make any sense to you, but trust me. This is what I am supposed to do." She says, "What are you supposed to do? How the fuck do you give your soul to Tao? You're insane, man," Wade's calmness turns into sadness. Rayne looks at Wade's reaction and says, "Are you saying you have to kill yourself? What the fuck, man?" Rayne turns away and walks over to the edge of the bed. Wade says, "Rayne, if I don't, Tao will die here. If I sacrifice myself for-" "STOP IT! JUST STOP! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW!" Rayne points to the door and then quickly says, "NURSE! GET IN HERE!" Wade pleads, "No, Rayne! Listen to me!" She runs into the hallway and yells, "NURSE! HE'S FUCKING CRAZY! GET HIM OUT OF HERE! NOW!"
Wade follows Rayne into the hallway as she runs towards the reception desk. She looks around and says, "Where did she go?" Wade says calmly, "Listen, Rayne, it's the only way to save your brother. You have to just, trust me." "Trust you? How the FUCK, am I suppose to just, trust you? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!" Rayne turns around and yells, "SOMEONE! HELP ME! HELP!" Wade runs over to Rayne and grabs her by the shoulder. She throws his hand off of her and clubs him in the face with her fist. "GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" she screams. A woman shouts, "Stop it." Rayne turns around. The woman says, "Stop it Rayne, it's okay." Rayne looks at the woman with confusion and says, "Who the fuck are you?" Wade looks up, "Julia?" Julia is standing beside William near the front entrance to the wing. She says, "Hello Rayne." and smiles. William wraps his arm around Julia. He smiles at Rayne and says, "Hey kiddo." Rayne backs up against the wall. She turns around to Wade, "What the fuck is going on?" Wade looks away from Julia and says, "I told you. This is why I am here. This is what has to happen." Rayne looks back at her mother with her mouth open. Julia walks around the reception desk to greet her, and she screams. She covers her mouth and runs into Tao's room. She slams the door shut, and Julia walks over to Wade. She stands firmly and says, "It's time for you to go in there, and finish this." Wade takes a deep breath, "Julia, I'm sorry." He starts to get upset, and Julia says, "Stop. It's time." Wade stretches his arms out walking towards Julia, and she meets him with an embrace. Wade starts to cry hysterically, pressed against her. William walks over to them and says, "Come on, Brother. Let's go." Wade lets go of Julia and stands back from William. William quickly grabs Wade and pulls him in for a big hug. Wade says, "I'm sorry, William." William deflects his apology and grabs him by the shoulders to look him in the eye. "You better get in there, she's really upset." "Okay." Wade takes a deep breath and turns around. He walks over to the door and turns the handle. Wade opens the door to notice the lights are switched off. He turns to the right to flick the light switch on, and when the room becomes illuminated, he sees a woman in a white dress holding a body in the air.
Did you miss me?
Leah is holding Tao in the air by his neck. She has Rayne held by the throat beside her with her other hand. Rayne's face is red, and the wires hanging from Tao's body are dangling around her. Wade shouts, "NO!" and runs towards her. Leah throws Tao on the bed and kicks Wade in the chest. He flies back, hitting Julia and William. When Leah lets go of Rayne, she drops to the floor and passes out. Wade shouts, "YOU FUCKING BITCH!" William and Julia pull Wade up. William runs at Leah to defend him. When he gets close to her, she stiffens her arm out and lifts William off the ground without touching him. She throws him into the empty bed beside Wade and Julia. His body crashes into it and falls onto the floor. Leah says, "You think I'm just going to let you get away from all you've done to me, Wade?" Her eyes are all white, and her flowing white dress is blowing around her as if she were in a windstorm. Leah says, "I, want, your, soul." Julia wraps her arms around Wade. He pushes Julia into the hallway and says, "Stay there." Wade slams the door shut and turns around. He shouts, "Leave my family out of this." Leah laughs and walks towards Wade. With each step, he grows even more afraid of her. She says, "Oh, Wade, this is between you and me. Don't you worry." She grabs Wade by the throat and lifts him up. She whispers into his ear. "This is where you die. Right here, right-" "NO!" Rayne shouts from behind them, smashing Leah in the back of the head with a vase of flowers. Leah falls to the side and quickly gets back up. She turns around to face Rayne, who is walking backward towards the window, and Leah says, "You little SHIT. Don't you DARE-" "GET AWAY FROM HER!" Wade shouts, running at Leah. Wade jumps off the ground and smashes Leah through the window. They both fall down the side of the building, and when they hit the concrete, flesh and blood splatter everywhere. A fire erupts from the impact and shoots a flame vertically up the side of the building to the window.
Our soul becomes a fire.
We dance around the sight.
Our soul becomes a fire.
We are the burning light.
Rayne jumps back from the broken glass and falls into Julia's arms. Rayne looks up at her mother, and Julia says, "It's okay. It's over now." They both look over to see Tao sitting up in his bed. He is holding his throat and starts to cough uncontrollably. "TAO!" Rayne shouts, running over to him. She hugs him, and Tao says, "What happened to me?" They both look over to see Julia walking towards them both, and she says, "Your father came to save your life. He came to say goodbye." Rayne looks at Tao and starts to cry. Tao embraces her and looks up at Julia. "Goodbye Tao," Julia says, smiling. "Mom?" Tao watches her vanish before his eyes. He looks at Rayne and says in a confused panic, "What is going on?" Rayne starts to cry and hugs Tao without answering him. Tao wraps his arms around her, confused. They sit together on the hospital bed as the winds from the smashed window blow into the room. A light flashes from the sky, and Tao lets go of Rayne and asks her, "What happened?" Rayne smiles and says, "It's okay. It's over."
5:55am – Monday, October 10th/2016
