CHAPTER 10: THE BRIDGE
5:55am – Sunday, October 9th/2006
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October 9th, 2006
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5:55am
My stomach is burning. I can feel the inside of my body trying to escape. “You should always listen to your gut” Now --> I am listening to the crackling sounds of fire. I’m broken. So tired. Tried to sleep here, in this car.. never a good idea. My body aches even more now. Inside and out, a wreck. What am I running from?
This is my tree. My tree is on fire. I dropped the match. It felt like a good idea at the time.. but am I ever right with that? I could never keep my cool, anyway. I was the fire. I was the reason their branches are empty.
6:16am
Pen and paper are something I haven’t experienced in a long time. No choice; thrown my cell phone out the window on the way to this strange parking lot. The sun is starting to make its way in. It’s giving me no choice but to think I should turn back. If I go now, will they even forgive me
No. She doesn’t want me there. I am useless. My poor children don’t need a constant reminder of why I am a piece of shit. Money holds everything together. Even this bridge beside me. It wasn’t placed here without a cost. I am, my family’s cost. I will eventually bring them back what I owe them. Love is not enough.
6:46am
There is a woman on the bridge. She is smiling at the ground. It makes my stomach burn even more. She is strange. She keeps smelling the flowers. She saw my staring. She.. wow. ~ ( ( ( ∞ ) ) ) ~
7:07am
She came over to ask me for a smoke, yet had some of her own. I don’t.. wish I did. How am I going to afford to live? What have I done? I should go back..
7:17am
Car won’t start. I have the sun to keep me warm, but what about at night? The woman is still standing on the bridge. I’m convinced she’s waiting for me to – she just jumped ..
8:08am
Where did she go? What the fuck is happening to me? I feel like this is a dream. Am I dreaming? Is this even real? I’m so hungry. I have to find food.
8:18am
There’s nothing around here. What do I do? Where did that woman go? I’ve lost my mind.
9:09am
There’s nothing left. Should I jump? I don’t even have enough energy to keep writing on this paper. I’m going to try to sleep.
1:11pm
Wind kept shaking my car. Nothing is real anymore. I’m going to die out here. Die a coward. I am a coward. There is nothing left to live for. I’ll see you soon, William.
2:22pm
I can’t seem to do it. When I reach the bridge, the fire burns stronger in my belly. My pen is shaking. I am lost. There is a bird sitting where the woman jumped. What does this mean?
3:33pm
The bird is on my car. It is staring at me. Pecking on the glass. What do I do?
4:44pm
I’ll never survive. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over. It’s over.
5:55pm
SHE KNOCKED ON MY WINDOW. AM I LOSING MY MIND? SHE’S BACK ON THE BRIDGE WITH HER ARMS STRETCHED OUT INTO THE SKY.
7:16pm
I dragged my body out to see her, and before I got there, I passed out. When I woke up, I was back in my car, and her hand was resting on mine. She gave me a red apple and a bottle of water. She said she’ll return tomorrow at dawn and just left. Is any of this real? Is she an angel? I’m shaking. I need to get to a hospital. I need to get out of here, but I don’t have any energy. I miss my family. I miss my life.
8:17pm
I’m passing out. If I die, whoever finds this note, tell Tao Russel, Rayne Russel, and Julia Russel that I love them very much. I’m sorry for what I did. I regret everything.
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October 10th, 2006
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5:55am
Everything is calm now. The storm passed, everything is still. The thunderstorm hit hard. It’s almost dawn. I can hear the birds. How am I still alive? My body is seizing.
9:00am
She never came. This is where I die. I’m going to jump. If you’re reading this.. tell my children and my wife I love them. Goodbye, my old life. I resign.
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9:09am
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Wade crawls out of the vehicle. He drags his body to the middle of the bridge. Tears fall from his face, but he cannot feel the emotion attached to it. His entire existence is pain; his body, his mind, his heart, and his soul. Before he can pull himself up onto the railing, the woman wearing a red coat walks down the wooden bridge. She picks Wade up, and they do not say a word. She places him in her car, and they drive to a coffee shop to get some food. After feeding Wade, the woman finally asks him, “What’s your name?”
“My name is Wade. Thank you for saving me. What’s yours?” Leah pauses a minute, looks up to smile at Wade and says,
“My name is Phoenix. But you can call me Leah. It was my mother’s name. She passed, long ago. I like hearing it. It reminds me that I am as strong, and as magical as she was. She has a beautiful soul. Now, Wade.. What happened to your soul?” Wade becomes embarrassed about telling Leah anything. She is absolutely stunning, and her words feel like the soft calm of a forest. He leaves out important information and says, “I lost my job, and I thought this was the end for me. I’m ashamed at my life. If you didn’t save me though, I would be dead. So, thank you, again. I am greatful.”
Leah smiles, and says, “You’re welcome. You’re very welcome. Your eyes, they seem very strange to me. I’ve never seen that colour in someone before. They are almost, a greenish purple. They remind me of the sky when it dances. Have you ever seen that before?” Wade’s smile takes over his entire face. He laughs and says, “No. I have not.” Leah giggles and asks, “What are you laughing about?” “I am just, baffled.. by you.” Wade stops smiling and lowers his head, afraid he said the wrong thing. Leah grabs his chin, pulls his face up and says, “Eat, Wade. We have a long road ahead of us today.”
12:21pm – Monday, October 10th/2016